My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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