I'm drive I can fine osifer
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
