ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
