So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize