She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
