If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
That accounts for only three of the penises
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
