is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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