When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
