$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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