Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
a search helicopter?!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
