Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
tell me about the fingering
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