Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize