i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
