1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
