I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize