Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
