Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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