sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
