i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
