I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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