nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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