he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
