two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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