So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize