During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
