my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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