dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Boobs are out for the taking
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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