Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize