yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
