Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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