We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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