We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
