My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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