highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
