You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
