I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize