Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
two words...techno handjob
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
