dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
