I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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