Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
