I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
