Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
