The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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