I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
