There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my sisters under your porch take her home
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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