Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
