How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We had sex on a dog bed..
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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