i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
