I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
