I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
