i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
