is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
