Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize