We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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