Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
