I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
