I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
