I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
