It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
