Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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