K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
