Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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