I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
