I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
