Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize