idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
