I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize