all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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