Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize