I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
