would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
