rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Someone came in the potted fern
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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