I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
