My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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