threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
