Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
